• Ollie Horsfall

What's the Point?

I've been wandering around the world for a while now, wondering which direction I should follow. I'm skilled, I have some intelligence, I have a fair bit of insight into what makes people tick. It's not like I've been standing still all this time, but I think I've been doing the bare minimum to exist.

Existing is an artform, some people manage to exist without very much effort, blessed with charms and smarts, good looks and enough friends with similar traits to get them started. My friends have always had similar things in common to me: clever, creative and usually suffering with a crippling depression.

Depression is the curse of the intelligent in my experience. A thing suffered because we see beyond the simplicity of a word constantly turning. We want to strive for more but our stupid brains won't let us get past the starting line.

So many damn ideas. So little time. I'm tired of working for other people, and I am especially tired of working for people content to stand still, so here I am trying to put myself in a position where I am happy, where I am working on something I love, because I love to work on it. It's difficult, painstaking and sometimes it is the cause of every issue I suffer, but I strive on regardless because I feel like I'm supposed to.

I keep promising myself that I'm destined for greater things and yet those great things don't manifest. It's down to me to make them manifest. Reality is born from dreams just as dreams are born from reality. We make our own stories and all I can do is continue to write mine.


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